Days swiftly come and go

Unfortunately, my stomach did not continue its pleasant behavior as the day went on yesterday, but at least I had a good morning?
Anyway.
 
FRIDAY.
 
I started off this morning with a delightful Pilates class. I don’t even know who I am anymore.
 
Anyone get the reference?

Anyone get the reference?

 
 
I already know I am getting out of work at 3:30 today, so whoo-hoo! Tonight, I think Tim and I are just renting a movie. I have a free RedBox rental code, so life is exciting. Does anyone have any recommendations? I looked on the site and nothing jumped out at me.
 
Tomorrow, I hope to run and then we are going to meet my family at the Jimmy Buffett concert, haha. I don’t particularly care for Jimmy Buffett, but its my mom’s birthday! Plus, they rented a drunk bus (or as my mother eloquently calls it a ‘party bus’) and there is a huge group of family and friends coming down. How could I pass that up? I can not wait to see everyone. I really miss my mom lately. I think its because I have been so sick and even though I am nearly 29 (gulp), I still just want my mom to take care of me.
 
I don’t know what we will do (I guess I really am a ‘we’ person now. When did that happen???????) the rest of the weekend, which is awesome. I am so excited to have Monday off.
 
Also, I thought this was pretty funny. A friend of mine emailed me (along with a few other runners) a story I WROTE, saying “Great story about this runner!”
And I thought she was just being nice so I said “Hey! I know that writer.”
So,  she replied “You know my head is up my butt when I didn’t realize you wrote the article!  Haaaaa!”
Haha,hey thanks.
 
I was going to wear my a smidge-too-small (I bought them a smidge too small because they were only $5) red pants today but then I realized just how fat I am. OH WELL!
 

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The sun is always in my eyes

Yesterday was not my favorite day.

I swear I don’t try to be too negative, but sometimes it’s a huge struggle because my health is so crummy lately (or the past three years, whatever). I am going to complain and whine a bit here, so feel free to click that X in the upper right-hand corner.

I barely slept on Tuesday night because my stomach was so bad. I tried to go to bed at 7:45, and at 9:45, I was still awake. I eventually drifted off, but was having really vivid, insane dreams and waking up every hour or so and then struggling to fall back asleep. When my alarm clock went off, I figured it was best to just get up and go for my planned run. My stomach felt fine then and although I felt a little tired, I always feel tired because hello, it’s 4:45 a.m.

After about two miles, my stomach freaked out. It was really bad, but I composed myself and kept running. I felt as if I had no energy, like my legs and whole body were just zapped. I had planned for it to be an easy day anyway, but I was practically shuffling my feet. I also could barely keep my eyes open. This was after a few miles, and instead of running feeling easier, it felt so much harder, like I was just so worn out.

I am a baby and I almost started crying because I was just that exhausted. I finally realized I just couldn’t do it. I dragged myself home, cutting off three of my miles, dried off, put on a clean t-shirt and crawled into bed. I suddenly had no trouble sleeping and was out cold for 45 minutes.

I have never done that. I have cut runs short, sure. I have gone home because my stomach hurt and taken a break. I have never been so exhausted that I quit a run only to go back to bed.

I wore my favorite dress to work and tried to put a smile on my face, but it’s a struggle. To repeat myself for the millionth time, I don’t know what to do. I honestly feel like I can’t keep doing this, but I don’t know what the alternative is.

Work has been the good kind of busy lately, but yesterday I spent more than an hour on the phone trying to re-book a flight the airline had mysteriously cancelled a ticket for. (They admitted they were at fault.)

Then I received some difficult family news, which is always tough.

So, after work, I felt like I needed to try and finish my run. It wasn’t to hit a certain amount of mileage or burn a few more calories. I had received yet another hospital bill ($54) and was so frustrated and angry. I just wanted to clear my head for a half hour while dinner cooked. And then this happened.

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She meant Neosporin.

I went down SO hard. I let out one of those wails/cries/moans and then I just started crying. It really knocked the wind out of me, and I was just so frustrated with the whole day, I couldn’t stop. I also couldn’t get up because my palms were so beat up, it hurt to put weight on them. I finally managed to put the weight on my knuckles and stand up and run/jog home, still crying. 

And then Tim put bandaids on me while I acted like a kindergartner and he poured me fresh (red) Finger Lakes wine, which I promptly dumped on the tan couch. 

I think it was just a Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day, and I am glad today is a new one.

I fell asleep almost immediately last night and I don’t think I moved once except to pee. I woke up feeling like a new person. My pre-lift run was slow on purpose (I am a little achy today from meeting the pavement), but I had no stomach problems at all. I couldn’t believe it and ticked off each bathroom stop with a smile as I ran by without stopping.

In conclusion, I didn’t like yesterday very much and apparently, wine from the Finger Lakes calms my stomach down.

 

 

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I read dead Russian authors volumes at a time

YAWN.
I am so exhausted.
 
Yesterday, I decided to run some hills at lunch. And they kicked my butt. I had lifted in the morning, so I am not entirely sure those weighted squats and lunges were helping matters a few hours later. On one hand, it made me motivated to keep choosing harder routes and keep pushing myself to make it further and faster. On the other hand, holy hell, I am out of shape, and I am not sure how. It’s frustrating and I really don’t know if I am ready for a fall marathon, like I keep deluding myself I am. For some reason, I paid $75 (with the running club discount) to run a half next weekend, a decision I am fully regretting now. Because, hi, hello, Slow Pants McGee.
 
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OH WELL.
 
I am suffering the post-vacation blues and the approaching birthday dread. I am back to struggling about what I am doing with my life and wondering how time could possibly be going so quickly. It was this time a decade ago that I was stumbling around SU’s campus, trying to find someone to eat a grilled cheese with, trying to figure out how to write papers, trying to not miss my best friends too much, trying to be as INDIE AS POSSIBLE. I can’t seem to wrap my mind around the fact that it was TEN years ago. While briefly driving through campus on Sunday, I saw all the “Welcome Class of 2018!” banners. 2018. Didn’t they JUST say 2008? Wasn’t I just trying to figure out where Aikens was?
 
I am just being overly nostalgic again and clinging to the past, per usual. It’s not that I don’t like the present or the potential future, but the past is just so comfortable and comforting. Ten years ago, I never ever would have pictured my life like this, and I mean that in both a good way and a bad way. I never thought I’d be in a  real relationship, honestly. We had to do a “ten years in the future” essay when I was in high school, and while everyone else wrote about their families and kids, I wrote about interviewing Hanson as part of my job for Spin magazine. (It’s okay to laugh a lot.) I also lived in a SWEET NYC apartment ALONE during this fantasy.
 
Anyway, I love Tim, I love my apartment now, I can tolerate this city, I love that I love running so much and found something that fuels me to wake up every day. I have a great group of friends that has shrunk, but in a good way. I get paid (a little!) to write. I guess I just thought I’d have things figured out a bit more. I just never thought I’d be an assistant ever, let alone at the age of almost-29. I guess I still need time to figure it out.

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Some girls try too hard. Na na na.

At first, my new medication seemed to be working. While away, I had half the problems I normally have, and while running, instead of stopping to clutch my stomach or dart to a bathroom or a bush, I was stopping to take pictures or to take a break on a crazy-to-me hill. Things were bad again this morning, and I spent the first half of my morning run in so much pain and discomfort and then it magically went away, so I spent the second half unconsciously running as hard as I could because I am just so frustrated. 

Perhaps the suggestions by many that my stress levels contribute to my issues isn’t far-fetched, but it isn’t as easy as just acknowledging it. My anxiety is not something I can easily switch on and off. Obviously, it is hard to be stressed when this is your view and your only responsibility is figuring out which winery you should visit next or if you should make another s’more.

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I don’t want to take any more medications, I already swallow a handful of pills every day to make sure I have enough calcium! magnesium! b12! iron! etc, etc. I took medication for anxiety many moons ago and I swore never again. 

Anyway, we’ll see. I already ordered more of this medication for my stomach since its over the counter and of course it isn’t cheap, so I’ll finish it out. Maybe today was just a fluke. 

I don’t mean to be depressing, really. I am just bummed because  it was so nice to be quasi-normal for a few days. 

In other news, we got a yellow watermelon with the CSA.

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Pretty cool, huh? I had read about them, but had never seen one in real life. We didn’t even realize until I cut it open. It tastes pretty similar. Tim thought it had a honey-ish watermelon taste. I thought it was slightly sweeter or something. I can’t put my finger on it.

I am excited to see a bunch of my family this weekend when they come to town Saturday and I get paid Friday (AMEN) and we have Monday off, so just gotta make it through the week.

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She a punk who rarely ever took advice

Can I go back on vacation, please? Recap…

Wednesday

As I mentioned, we got off to a late start, due to Tim’s flight delay. We ended up leaving town around 1:15 p.m., which is what time we had hoped to arrive to the Finger Lakes.  I drove the whole way, since Tim had been up for more than 30 hours at that point. I am a terrible driver, but we somehow made it there in one piece. We got to our little cabin, dropped off our suitcases and went out in search of food. Weirdly, nearly everything in a 20-mile radius was closed, and we ended up at a total dive bar eating french fries (me) and wings (Tim) for dinner at 7:30 p.m. At that point, we were both too hungry too care.

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As an added bonus, a gentleman there generously paid for one of my $2.50 Angry Orchard drafts. Thanks friend.  We hung out there for a while before calling it a night and going home. Our cabin was one of three, along with a main house right next to the water, and there is a great deck to sit on, so we sat outside for a while, watching the lake and enjoying the quiet.

Thursday

Our host very kindly left me a hand-drawn running map. Of course, I got lost and ended “running” up a two-mile incline while it was totally down-pouring. I am not kidding when I say it was the hardest run I have ever done. I took a million breaks on the hill, but I never walked once. I was able to cover about ten (slow) hard miles when all was said and done. It was totally gorgeous though.

 

I don't normally take selfies but I was completely drenched and wanted to show that

I don’t normally take selfies but I was completely drenched and angry.

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We spent the whole day wine tasting and exploring and it was wonderful. We bought SO MUCH wine and met so many interesting people. I really enjoyed it. We had some rain off and on, but it wasn’t too bad. We also went to a cheese store, which Tim loved.

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Once we came home (most places closes at 5 or 6), we took the kayaks out for a bit. The view was breathtaking.

This is not doctored at all

This is not doctored at all

Kayaking was really fun too. It was so nice to just sit out on the water.

We picked up groceries for dinner (we only had a microwave, no stove), and ate outside while drinking wine. Tim lit a super fire.

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Once again, we just enjoyed being outside and doing nothing. It was glorious.

 

Friday

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I followed directions this time and ended up on a gorgeous 11 mile run. It was still really hilly, but I learned to appreciate it.

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Tim and I tried to go on a hike, but it ended up being more like a 15 minute walk to a waterfall and a 15 minute walk back. Oh well, it was pretty.

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We were starving after our strenuous hike, so we drove a few miles to Ithaca Brewing, where we had some brews and the BEST HOMEMADE KETCHUP EVER.  I want to marry that ketchup, that is all.

Like Thursday, we spent all day touring wineries and cheese places (OK, just one), and then we went to get ready for our big fancy dinner. We started with drinks at Two Goats, because a friend told me we had to check it out.

Here is an awkward photo of me

Here is an awkward photo of me

We then went to the Stonecat for dinner. I was unimpressed with it, probably because I had to make a dinner out of sides (WHAT DO YOU MEAN… NO GRILLED CHEESE OR PIZZA?). But no, they were really unaccommodating and I thought the waitress was rude. Anyway, Tim enjoyed the experience. I enjoyed my tequila.

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It was pretty expensive though, we each only had one drink and we split a tiny, tiny dessert and it was almost $100. This is why we cook at home, friends.

Anyway, we again spent the rest of the night sitting outside and eating s’mores with our host, who had just arrived in town. It was delightful.

Saturday

One last hilly run.

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We were both so sad to leave. I was starting to like those hills, damnit. On the way out, we picked up some eggs. It was on the honor system, I love that.

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We made a pit stop at the brew pub in Selinsgrove for lunch on the way home. I am already overly nostalgic, but being there tugs at my heart so much. I become so sad that I am not there anymore, and not a walk away from my friends and that it isn’t “mine” anymore. But I also am filled with so many good memories, its hard to stay sad.

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The food and drinks were delicious. The service was pretty terrible, but I felt bad for the waitress. There was no bartender and she had no help on her tables, so she was totally slammed. It was fine though, we enjoyed just sitting there watching people.

We got home around 5, I finished my run, we watched The Graduate (Tim had never seen), and then went to bed.

Sunday

It began with a humid, tough run for me. I think my legs were just shot from the hills and because I normally don’t run four days in a row. Today is defintiely a non-running day. I skipped Sunday Funday at the bar due to lack of funds and instead did errands and work, work, work. Then I lifted weights while drinking a cider because I am all about balance. 

I am so sad vacation is over, but we had such a great time. I can’t wait to go back.

 

 

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I had a million dollars but I’d spend it all

Hi.
 
So, Tim’s flight home from Denver was delayed, so he missed his connecting flight, and he spent the night at the Charlotte airport. He is set to arrive after 9 in Baltimore, then will rent a car, go pick up his car at the airport, come home, pack and then we will leave. So, we’re off to a very late start to a short vacation, which is frustrating. But what can you do? 
 
So, I thought I’d pop in real quick. My doctor’s office finally called me back yesterday, and they are going to put me on three new medications to see if they will help anything. I am still allowing myself to be a little hopeful, but I am scared because sometimes my body has very, er, violent reactions to new medications. Things have gotten pretty bad though. I haven’t been sleeping through the night because I wake up in pain, and my runs have felt good… until I have to inevitably stop and wait for the pain to go away or sprint to a bathroom. I am now hesitant to sign up for any races, which makes me incredibly sad. I just can’t imagine having another disastrous race because my body is a mess.
 
Yesterday, I did 6 a.m. lift club solo because Tim was still in Denver. I’ve slightly increased all my weights, which is a good feeling. I can’t believe how much I like weight training, but I also struggle to shake the feeling that it’s not a real workout because I don’t really sweat. But I hope it helps make me stronger and a faster runner. I won’t lie, it does make me miss crossfit. But that price tag, I just can’t.
 
Anyway, I am so excited to leave for the next few days, and go running somewhere new… Speaking of I recently plotted some of my routes on mapmyrun.com and apparently I have been underestimating by at least a quarter mile for nearly every one. Oops..
 
REGARDLESS, I am excited to go somewhere new and drink wine and maybe relax or something? We’ll see.

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You could have called to thank me, well, you could have called

I got my second Stitch Fix. This one was a bit of a hassle, because you only have three days to send the stuff back. It was supposed to arrive Thursday, and it did, but the post office wouldn’t leave it on my porch (but they did last time?). The post office is supposed to open at 8 a.m., so I drove over on Friday before work and stood around until 8:20 and they never opened. I had to leave to go to work, so I was SUPER happy about that. Anyway, I ended up picking it up on Saturday morning (after a half hour wait with only three people in front of me). Post Office: You are doing it wrong.

Anyway. I only kept one thing this time.

Jeans- $44

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I really liked these jeans, I thought the color was pretty and different, and I could wear them with a few different color tops. However, they were just a bit too snug in the thighs, and I didn’t think I’d be comfortable in them, even though I pretended I would be. It made me sad to send them back. Oh well. My legs are one thing I won’t snark on because they carry me way too many miles. I’ll take the strength over being able to fit into skinny jeans.

Necklace – $48

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I can’t imagine paying $48 for a necklace. End of story.

Paisley shirt- $54

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Ugh, I thought this was SO UGLY. I didn’t even try it on.

Tank top- $54

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I liked this, but I didn’t love it, so I couldn’t justify the price tag.

Dress- $58 (technically $38, since I had already paid the $20 style fee.)

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I wasn’t crazy about this dress when I pulled it out of the bag. However, I liked it on, and when I sent the pictures to my mom and Tim, both said they liked the dress. I decided to keep it and, as a bonus, it sort of makes me look like I have cleavage.

Sorry for the even crappier pictures, but my style photographer is in Denver.

 I am still waiting to hear back from my doctor.  I am not feeling any better and a few new symptoms have popped up. It’s been real fun.

But today is my FRIDAY. I am going on vacation tomorrow!!!!!

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